I told my son the same thing when he was faced with bullying. First with the typical ignore it, but when the school wouldn’t protect him, I told him to defend himself and put him in Karate classes. I was amazed at how the teachers suddenly saw the violence when my son fought back. And I will never forget the vice principal having the nerve to say he didn’t know that there was a problem, even though I had been to his office several times to tell him all about it. When they tried to suspend my son for finally standing up for himself, I even went so far as to contact the superintendent’s office and at least got the punishment reduced to one day of in school suspension. But according to my son, he was never physically bullied again. That was in 7th grade. And the 2 boys that bullied him the most became his friends in high school.

I was bullied and abused through most of elementary school, junior high, and my freshman year of high school. Much like Ms. Blanco’s experiences, the bullies I dealt with seemed to just be trying to impress the popular kids. And much like the book, the teachers and administrators were prone to blame the victim and side with the bullies. Probably didn’t help that the leader of the bullies in elementary school was the daughter of a minister. I was always asked by the principal “why would she lie?”.

And there is the Columbine shooting. My little sister had known some of the kids that went to that school when it happened. I remember talking with her on the phone after it, and her being so confused about why the kids would do such a thing. But it didn’t seem that strange to me. I knew kids that were said to bring guns and knives to school, misfits much like those boys. They even tried to make explosives. Thank goodness they failed, but one of them ended up in a mental hospital for that. The rage that the victims obviously feel not just being bullied by their peers, but also having the behavior reinforced by teachers that are either indifferent or blind, doesn’t seem odd at all.

You would think that after the Columbine shooting that schools would do things differently. But my son was dealing with the bullying just a few years after that shooting and nothing was different that I had seen in school. My daughter had a bully harassing her in school a few years ago, and the teacher did nothing. I watched on a school field trip, the bully jumping on my daughter’s feet right in front of the teacher and her doing nothing. I stepped in and reprimanded the child, when the teacher wouldn’t. All I had to say to the girl was that her behavior wasn’t appropriate. Granted, I am not sure if the child was embarrassed by her own behavior or just confused by the word “appropriate”, but she stopped.

I really do think that the best cure for bullying is putting the victims into self defense classes at an early age. A good program teaches the kids to respect people and to not use their skills inappropriately. And maybe there is just something about the confidence they gain in such programs that has them hold themselves differently, so their body language no longer tells the other kids that they are victims.

Even if your child isn’t being bullied, learn more about bullying. An interview I heard on NPR recently suggested that the bullies as well as the victims suffer emotionally from bullying. So if your child is a bully or a victim, you are doing them a service by being involved and talking to them about bullying. Don’t ignore it or tell them to ignore it, it isn’t going away that easily.

Sea Dragon's Quest

For those that hadn’t heard, the day before Thanksgiving my tub started leaking into my hallway. So my Christmas present to myself is a new tub and the plumbing getting fixed. We are just crossing our fingers that only one tub will need to be fixed, since the tub to the master bath backs up to the one that is broken. Feel free to buy some art to help defray the costs of a bathroom remodel that I so hadn’t planned. But since the biggest part is being done now, I am thinking I need a new sink in there for Mother’s Day. We should have the tub paid off by then. Then one day while James is at work I can paint the walls to match the new tile that is going in around the tub and then add little mercats and sea dragons to the walls. I am trying to keep a positive attitude about it. But it is hard when none of the local home improvement stores carry enough tile of one color to even tile half the bath. And I only have to retile half the bath.

I have an uncle that can draw anything that he sees. I understand that once upon a time he worked as a billboard painter, but most of his life was a factory job. I don’t think he even spent much time working on his drawing as a sideline either. He has more talent in his little finger than I have in my whole body, but none of the NEED to do something with it.

The comment was along the lines that they really didn’t have any other way of selling their art except on ebay because they lived in a rural area and there wasn’t a market for it, although a gallery was interested, it was easier to just list it on ebay, and while there were a lot of festivals in the area, weekends were family time.

For me the drive to have people actually SEE my work is as strong as my drive to create my work. And I think that might be the real difference between profession and hobby.

Yes, weekends are great family time. The whole family can get involved in working at the shows with me. And there is usually something fun for the kids that Katie can enjoy. And if the show really would be just too hard to do with the kids, they need the occassional weekend with their grandparents as well. Then there are the shows, that all I have to do is drop the work off. I am working on finding more and more of those type of places.

Hanging work in a gallery? Honestly a whole lot less work to me than writting up listings on eBay and then packaging up stuff to send it off. So what if I have to make a 45min drive every month or so to check on things and bring in new work. It is easy. People are going to SEE MY painting, for the effort of a drive and sticking a nail in the wall.

eBay just doesn’t cut it for me anymore. When I first started selling my work on ebay, several years ago, a few hundred people would see each listing, each work of art. Now, I would be lucky to get 50 people to look at it. Art Festivals? Now there are hundreds of folks looking at my work over the course of a weekend. Or in a Gallery? My own website?

I think that creating is a natural human need. I think what makes us professional creators different is that we have to share our creations with EVERYBODY. Sort of like stage moms. Sort of a “See what I made! Isn’t it wonderful?” Yes I see my paintings as a part of myself. Selling them is like sending my own children off into the world. And if they are my kids, I am their stage mom.

I have tried to keep an art journal. But honestly, it is too personal for me. Not as in putting too personal stuff down, I do that all the time with everything that I create. But it is a formate that is not DESIGNED to be easily shared with the world at large, so lacks some of the sparkle for me. Can I do my art journal on a series of canvases? Or maybe some artist trading cards so that if a chance to show them comes up I can just take them out of the book to mat and frame them? OH, wait, I already do!

Selling the work is just to pay the bills. The real drive is in creating and showing the work. Granted when someone buys a painting, a drawing, a print or even a t-shirt off cafepress it is the ultimate in saying “I like what you did”, so keeps me motivated too.

So I create to keep myself sane. I show, because of some twisted egotistical need that might be tied in with the insanity I am trying to keep at bay with the art. I sell to pay the bills.

But a couple of years ago I noticed something weird with my own body. I had these weird splothes on my feet. It was little dots of blood coming up through the pores and darker splotches left uder the skin after that tiny dot of blood had been wiped away. The day I noticed them I was at a freind’s house who was a neurologist. He looked at them and said he had no idea what it was, and did suggest I get it looked at. But it went away after a couple of weeks and I didn’t think anything of it.

Off and on over the last few years I have had arthritic type pain in my fingers and toes, loss of feeling in the tips of my fingers and toes and of course the ongoing headaches I have been having since I was 6. Still I just took that as a sign of being too heavy and getting older, and just something I have always delt with.

Then while at an art show a couple weeks ago those splotches came back. A little larger this time. And this time they went all the way up to my knees. This time, I knew where I had seen then before. My legs looks just like Tammy’s legs.

It all could still be that I am just so over weight that it is causing a strain on my body. But because of the family history, the doctor is running some tests that include looking into Lupus. I have done a bit more research on it. Not too much. Still not too worried. I need to loose weight either way. And Lupus doesn’t scare me because I haven’t seen how it has changed Tammy’s life. Her lifestyle isn’t that different than mine, except that she is a better housekeeper than me and works as a medical assitant instead of an artist. Otherwise both typical suburban families with 2 kids living perfectly average lives.

But no matter what happens with those blood tests, something has changed in me. I want to know more about Lupus. And not just because it is some high school research assignment. I want to know more than they know now. I want to do something to help.

I did a drawing, that I think will become a painting. I wonder if there is some way I can use my art to raise a little bit of money to help with Lupus Research or bring attention to Lupus.

And I miss Munin. She was ussually the one to cuddle up with me and sooth me with purring when I felt bad. Most Baby’s got to listen to music in the womb, Katie got Munin purrs.

And despite it all, I am not feeling too beaten down. Maybe all those Buddihist podcasts that James has me listen too have affected me. My opinion on all the issues of late is “this too will pass”. Granted I am looking forward to it passing so that I can get back to the regularly scheduled chaos.